The desire to excel. The passion to dedicate. The determination to see it through.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Dinner-of-the-Day

Today began with a sunny day ending in shady thoughts.

In the evening, I had dinner with my family (Jan & Pat and my father) at Compasspoint's Sakura. The service was prompt and the food came quick. The tom yam soup is really spicy at first and then I think our taste-buds became numb and it was better after that.
Anyway, I should learn Chinese all over again. I knew this day would come so I kept a few books from the days when learning the language was compulsory for me. Well, now it's not studying for the grades. I need the conversational skills or least understand half of what people say and communicate back without having to pause for half a lifetime to make the translation in my head. It's not that I never took the language seriously. I tried hard. Hai. You're not me, you guys don't get it. At least I still have English.
Anyway, I'm planning my way to financial independence as soon as I can. Just entering the university has left me some debts. As soon as I clear my tuition fee loan and laptop loan, I'm going to avoid taking another loan from anyone or any bank again. I just want to be on my own.
I always felt that I don't belong here. It's not Singapore I'm talking about. It's this world. This place. There is an utopia and it's not here. The closest we can get to that utopia is through love and peace. I don't know if I can ever dare to seek that paradise again. Maybe I don't deserve it. Maybe no one deserves it. It's like a gift. We don't deserve it but it's given to us. What if I choose to reject it? Wouldn't I be a fool? We're probably all fools chasing cars.
The more I flip through the papers, the more I see things that I think I desire. There were times when I wanted these things so badly but after I got them, it wasn't such a big deal anymore. There were times that I wanted nothing more in life and I appreciated life in its entirety. Those were the most peaceful days of my life. All my loved ones were happy with their lives. Suddenly, the world spun around this year. Hopefully next year will be better.
I was looking for a job in the papers. Not just any ordinary job. The kind with a tinge of adventure and excitement. I shouldn't have looked in the papers. There's nothing that exciting there. Maybe I should work for national parks in some country. Maybe I should work for adventure schools. Maybe I shouldn't work at all. I could just pack up, learn some survival skills and get lost in some jungle. But.. That's something I won't do. I can't just isolate myself although I would like to. I have a greater purpose in life. We all do.
I just realized that I feel more relaxed as the exams approach. All assignments, projects and classes for this semester are over. I work around a rigid timetable. I wake up at 7+am, eat my breakfast, start work at 8am, break at 12noon, lunch till 1pm, work till 6 or 7pm, dinner for an hour and back to work till 10pm. This is usually the case unless I finish studying the relevant topics for that day. Today, I stopped work at 3+pm. That's much earlier than expected. By the way, congratulations if you made it to reading this far. I meant to write an unusually long blog entry to deter people from reading it.
One more thing. Christmas is just around the corner and I have a confession to make. You know all these years, you haven't gotten a single present from Santa and you were told you were naughty those years? Well, that's cause I stole them from underneath your Christmas tree. You better get a burglar alarm system.
Keep me busy. Maybe then I won't have to think so much.
"You only steal from the rich because the rich have something worth stealing." Hmm.. Tell that to Robin Hood.

2 Comments:

Blogger ck said...

is that exam blue or mood swing!? haha.. anyway, I LOVE READING long entry. so u FAILED to deter me. =p. anyway, dear old jaime, you're getting more philosophical every day! hahaha. starting from titus's dream though..

anyway, WE WILL MEET, coz i am deprive of meeting u guys. and I WAN TO WORK too! i am broke and in MAJOR FINANICAL crisis. hahaha..

November 19, 2006 10:24 AM  
Blogger JJJJ said...

haha.. cos too free.. ahaha.. probably an exam thingy... man! ok... next time I write like super super long one.. den maybe u won't read.. aniwae, a bit out of point but, are there hawker centres in HK?!

November 20, 2006 7:55 AM  

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