The desire to excel. The passion to dedicate. The determination to see it through.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

He - Part 3

He was lost. He could not find his emotions. Thoughts swirled through his mind in no chronological order. This was not him. He usually had a regular, logical, trend of thought. Events which used to upset him flashed in his thoughts. He slowed them down, savouring and remembering how he used to feel about these events. He could not find his emotions. All he felt was stillness and calm, no matter how traumatizing the event had been. He was detached.

He had been away from emotion for a while. Busying himself with task after task. Creating more and more tasks to keep him busy. To keep him away from feeling. But deep down inside, was a sense of melancholy. He knew this so he worked harder. Working till the wee hours in the morning so that he would be knocked out the minute he went to bed. No room for thought or fantasy.

As far as he could, he stopped making acquaintances. He was too tired of setting up a facade for the sake of not being alone. Being alone was fine as long as he was not lonely. Most of the people he spent his time with could not diminish the loneliness he felt. He could've been surrounded by a band of people who thought they knew him but he'd rather be wandering alone.In his daily embarkment, he realised that he yearned for something. He wanted to be understood, to be known. People did not see him as he truly was. Few have come to witness his 4th dimension. He had no opportunity to express it as no one had given him the chance to.

Perhaps the impression he had created allowed everyone to assume that he never had a 4th dimension. The only thought that kept recurring in his mind was that no one would ever know him.He would continue to feel as alone as ever. "Solitude is good.. Solitude is good.." His solemnly chanted it in the Hope that one day he would grow to believe it. Yet, he didn't want to believe it. His flickering Hope was that someday, circumstances would be rearranged.

Through it all, Hope will sustain him. Hope & God.

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